13 going on 32

I am not ashamed. I have read & gone to see all of the Twilight books/movies. Last night (in case you didn't see it plastered all over Facebook & Twitter) was the last installment of the saga ("Breaking Dawn" Part 2). I went with some girlfriends & had a blast being "13" (I'm 32). So, if you're on the fence about doing something that seems "below your age bracket", I say, Go for It! It's healthy to be a kid again sometimes ;-)

1. My pre-movie dessert 2. Last time for Twilight on the marquee 3. My poster I swiped from the concession stand 4. Morning after.

The End of an Era

11/13/12 marks the end of an era for me. Beginning 11/14/12 I will be a Full-time Stay-at-Home Mommy. This is a profession I have dreamt of having since I was a little girl. It's a profession that is a privilege, not owed but earned to parents who are blessed to have it. Parenthood is a blessing from Above whether your dream is to stay at home with your child or work in other ways simultaneously as well as parent.

I began my "career" (I use that word very loosely) as a barista at Starbucks
nearly 6 years ago. It was intended to be a temporary part-time job for me as I built my private cello lessons studio after being in the medical field as a secretary for 5 years. My job at at Starbucks became the longest length of job I've ever had (how ironic, right?!).

As with any profession, there are lessons to be learned & observations along the way. Here are 4 of mine:

1. Service Industry employees are some the hardest working people I've ever met: My feet & back have never been so sore from standing/walking so much each shift, my mind so mentally taxed, my self-worth so tested.
Lesson: Tip well if eating or ordering out, be kind to all waiters/teachers/nurses/service industry workers. Just be nice to everybody ;-)

2. The true nature of humanity will sometimes be shocking: I've seen people at their absolute best & worst (similar to a bartender I would imagine). I've witnessed heartache, divorce, marriage, celebration, anger, the whole gamut.
Lesson: Be polite to your fellow human beings, you never know what kind of day they're having, and little kindness goes a long way.

3. Co-workers who become like family are hard to come by: I made life-long friends at Starbucks, people who changed & shaped my character. Lesson: Be grateful when you encounter such people in your life.

4. Going back to work after having a baby is one of the most difficult things for a parent to do.: I cried for several weeks solid each time as I drove into work (Asher was 6 weeks old).
Lesson: Future hopeful parents, save up as much time-off & funds as possible so you can stay home as long as allowed by your employer & state with your newborn. As I mentioned before, being a stay-at-home parent is a privilege that is earned not owed.

As I bid farewell to the "Siren" (Starbucks) last evening, I was overwhelmed with a thankful heart: for the 5 & 1/2 years I had a dependable job (coffee is a drug, hence daily addicts provide job security), steady hours/paychecks, free lbs of coffee & tea, countless gratis beverages, a 30% discount at ANY Starbucks globally, $4,000 cash for Asher's adoption, and much more. Why did I leave?, you may ask. Well, to me, all of that pales on comparison with being a full-time mama to my Sunnyboy. I cry when I remember how long I wanted to become a mommy, and I cry because I have a faithful hubby who has given me the ability to have a dream come true. Being a mama is the most exhausting, rewarding, valuable job I've ever had & I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Hanging up the green apron & signing off, farewell coffee slaves ;-)

Openness

Photo courtesy of Katelyn Schwenker Photography

It looks like I fell off the radar a bit, sorry for the gap in posting! My family and I have had a couple of mini vacations back-to-back because I am phasing out from my current job at Starbucks. I've been working there part time for nearly 6 years as we waited & tried to have children. We were blessed with Asher last year, and my time has finally arrived to be home full time! I am so grateful for a hubby who works so hard & has a job that enables me to do this; it's been a life-long dream of mine to be a full-time mommy!

I recently have had some contact with Asher's birth grandmother "J", and I was struck with how very thankful I am that our relationship has evolved to such a point during the adoption process that we can talk (via email) frequently & fairly openly. I wanted to share about the nature of that contact and how it came about.

When we were in the midst of the adoption process through Bethany Christian Services, we received a call one day that there was a birthmom interested in meeting us. In actuality, it was J who chose our profile with 1 other for her daughter, Asher's birthmother "K." We met with both J & K in the agency's office with K's social worker from the agency. I remember how emotional J seemed in that meeting- it was extremely awkward for all of us (THE most awkward meeting I've ever been in), but for J so painful. She sat with her hands clenched in her lap trying not to cry as we talk with K, trying to get to know her and for K to get to know us. J asked us a couple of questions towards the end of the meeting (it was only about an hour total) regarding what we would do if the child (Asher) had special needs. We answered from our hearts with a trust in One higher than ourselves that we could & would accept any child placed into our care and love them no matter what.

We left that meeting not knowing with J & K would decide about choosing us, but we left with a calm peace in knowing that it was no longer in our hands. The adoption agency called the very next day to tell us that K had decided she wanted us to be her son's parents. I will never forgot that phone call or the phone call I made to the hubby telling him the news.

The next time we saw J & K was in another abbreviated meeting at the agency. This meeting was also with K's social worker from the agency. The purpose was for K to be able to make her hospital plan with us. K decided that she wanted us there as soon as she went into labor and also for the delivery of our son as well. She asked Josh (my hubby) if he'd like to be the one to cut Asher's umbilical cord. The agency social worker told us that the next time we heard from them would be at the time of K's hospital admission to give birth. About a month went by until we received that phone call. I was in the middle of cutting Josh's hair- needless to say, he got the worst haircut of his life as I hurried to finish so we could jump in the car!

We spent 3 days in the hospital with J & K waiting for Asher to make his appearance. K was a real trooper, managing through her pain and discomfort while laboring to give birth. On Wednesday, August 17th 2011 at 10:36 pm Asher Byron entered this world via C-section. We were ushered into the nursery by J (his birthgrandmother) within moments of his birth. She stepped aside after seeing her grandson for only moments to let us, his parents, meet him for the first time. J took pictures of those first moments (I was vaguely aware she was doing this, but didn't fully realize it til later when she sent the pictures to us). K was still recovering from her surgery of giving birth, and J quietly exited the room to give us privacy with Asher as the nurse continued to conduct newborn tests, etc. I still weep as I recall holding my tiny son's hand for the first time; he gripped onto me with a mighty strong little grasp and my heart was forever sealed with his. 

K wanted us to have Asher from the first moments of his birth. She wanted us to be able to do the first feedings and everything with him. J & K had a room down the hall from ours in the hospital and we took Asher over to meet K when J came and told us she was ready. It was a surreal moment to join our 2 families together in those special minutes. Throughout the next couple of days before we could be discharged to go home with Asher, J and I began to deepen our relationship. She told me more about K and their family, about Asher's conception, his half-siblings. I witnessed J caring for her daughter, Asher's birthmother, in some of the most sacrificial ways I've ever seen. Her love for K and for Asher and us was truly a miracle and gift to behold. 

 On Friday, when we were released to take Asher home (by the hospital and the adoption agency), I had a few private moments to speak with J and to give her a letter I had written to her and to B, Asher's birthgrandfather. Mere words could never say "thank you" enough to J, K, and B. We agreed to keep in touch via a private blog where Josh and I would update regularly with pictures and stories about Asher. From the blog, J and I began to email each other directly and she sends updates as well about Asher's birth family. I have a file of pictures of birthday parties, holidays, and other special occasions that J has sent to us. I save every email from her, every gift, every card. We don't have direct contact except when we meet twice a year at a mutually agreed upon neutral place such as a restaurant or park. This is simply for Asher's safety and our privacy.  J, B, and 1 of Asher's half siblings were at his first birthday and baby dedication at our church. J and I write via email frequently throughout the months and we are looking forward to a visit with her, his birthgrandfather, and 1 of his half siblings at Christmastime. I am thankful for this dear woman and her precious family- most of all for the grandson she allowed to become our son. 

Photo Courtesy of Katelyn Schwenker Photography